Happy First Birthday

Oh, sweet Greta. Happy Birthday to you.

I’ve done pretty well with it, so far. I had a few tears last night, saying goodnight to her. That sentimental, emotional part of me really comes out around birthdays. Just like with her brother a couple of weeks ago, tearfully wishing my two year old goodnight for the last time, preparing to wake up to a three year old in the house.

But first birthdays are just so different. We say farewell to infancy. We think about how much has changed in one year. At this very time one year ago, I was still pregnant. I was in labor. I had yet to meet my daughter.

I remember the intense fear I had during my pregnancy, that I could never love another person the way I loved my son. I just couldn’t fathom it. I was scared about all the changes sure to come, and was convinced I was going to tear apart my son’s perfect little world.

And then Greta was born. And it really was, as cliched as it sounds, love at first sight. And I was so relieved that all I felt was LOVE, and that meeting her felt so right. And it continued to feel right, as she just fit right into our family. Truly, I cannot imagine life without her.

gretabday1Ready to go home.

She is such a light in our lives. She is so funny, so sweet. She is opinionated. She makes us laugh. She adores her brother. She is feisty. She loves to squeal, clap, wave, and giggle. She doesn’t crawl, but instead does this funny hopping butt scoot to get around. She dislikes diaper changes and always tries her hardest to get out of them. She loves to snuggle, especially in the chair with her daddy.

gretabday2

Daddy snuggles.

This year has been amazing. How could it not be with a smile like this?

gretabday3

It has also been challenging, of course, as we adjusted to having two kids (and only two years apart). But overall she’s been a pretty easy baby.

I think one of the most challenging aspects of it all has been not knowing whether or not we would be having a third child. With our son, I knew we’d most likely have a second child. And I was caught up in new motherhood. This time around, the questions come more heavily. As she outgrows clothing, baby items, toys, I wonder if they are really worth holding onto. I have donated more. I have questioned more.

So, as we leave infancy today, I have a heaviness in my heart as I question if babyhood will be behind us forever. I don’t feel ready for that.

But, as it goes with our children, we don’t have a choice but to look forward. They don’t wait for us, they don’t understand our sentimental hearts and how we ache with longing for the past even though we are so so so excited about what is yet to come.

I love you Greta. Thank you for joining us a year ago. I know you will continue to astound us all with what you will bring to this world. Happy Birthday!

gretabirthdayListening to her brother’s rendition of “Happy Birthday.”

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